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Writer's picture: Sophia HowardSophia Howard
May you find jewels of joy within the darkness
May you find jewels of joy within the darkness

I wrote this intention for a friend recently and it only occurred to me this week, whilst wading through my notes wondering where on earth to start - that this was what I needed to start with. It was enough to give me a little clarity on formulating my feelings into words for this term’s blog.


Feeling exposed doesn't feel pleasant, it may conjure up all sorts of uncomfortable or unpleasant feelings or scenarios. What I have observed over recent days, weeks and even months, is that so much joy, beauty and gratitude is often revealed within dark, difficult, challenging or uncomfortable circumstances.


Over recent weeks I have experienced many ‘moments’ of stillness within my hyperactive mind, Thoughts arrested for a moment having noticed something immensely beautiful or observed how profoundly grateful I feel in that moment. These have felt like discovering little jewels in what is otherwise a blinded existence to the miracle of life.


Essentially we are so perpetually distracted from the essence of life, it is like we are walking around blindfolded. Occasionally the blindfold slips and we experience a sliver of something that makes us stop and feel something that is hard to describe, words aren’t sufficient. 



However, that is the nature of our human existence, our modern way of life relies on us being busy to feel part of wider society. When we’re so busy there isn’t much time to ‘think’ - other than our routine thoughts and feelings that are on a perpetual loop. These routine thoughts do require our attention there's no doubt, but the repetitive nature gathers so much momentum,  taking up so much of our energy, that we seek distraction to help us switch off. We’re drawn to something pleasant to distract our minds, becoming reliant (addicted even) to seeking pleasure rather than ‘joy’. Nevertheless, this all feels so normal that we confuse pleasure for joy. Stepping away from all the routine and familiar (no matter how exhausting they are) into a moment of stillness and silence, may feel like stepping off the edge of a cliff into an abyss of the unknown.


If we step into a large dark room, experiencing total darkness, our imagination runs wild and creates all kinds of fear based scenarios. However if we stay a while longer, breathing through that initial discomfort, we notice that these fears are created by our minds not our reality. As our eyes adjust to the dark we are given a whole new experience and perhaps a whole new perspective. (A jewel revealed in the dark.)


Winter is the darker half of the year and it can be a challenging, uncomfortable time. It can feel even more challenging if we resist the natural rhythm of slowing down and nourishing ourselves. Becoming a battle of wills, our mind vs our better nature, until our mind drowns out our voice of intuition, to the point where we have forgotten we have it within us. Instead we follow the voices constantly surrounding us through multiple sources, bombarded by noise in its many forms.


Or,  we can step into the unknown and see what is revealed in those moments of exposed silence.



All around me the branches of the trees are exposed, without their green leaves more light is revealed. I can watch the sun rising through the branches and catch it setting on the horizon between the skeleton silhouettes. 

The birds and squirrels that dance and move within the trees are now revealed, I can watch the squirrels play and see the source of each song. Marveling at the sounds that emanate from such tiny, delicate creatures, the birdsong in the silent acoustics of winter feels like hearing a choir within a church, no longer muffled by the leaves.


Walking along the river one afternoon I noticed a large heron revealed in the branches of a tree; beautiful, serene and still. My friend who I was walking with couldn't see it initially, so even in winter we have to consciously practice being open to ‘noticing’. Experiencing our day to day moments more slowly, aware of the present moment and what could be revealed within it.



It takes mindfulness or conscious thought to be open to these moments, to slow down enough that we can expose the stillness within us. It's within that practice that the moments of joy, awe and gratitude are revealed. 


Once we drop the distractions, exposing our fears/feelings, staying in those moments long enough can reveal great clarity, contentment and gratitude.

Staying in the unknown long enough for us to adjust can reveal our soul's desires and perhaps reconnect us with our intuitive voice - which is far better at guiding us through this miracle of life.


It’s a daily, if not hourly, practice of noticing whether we are ‘distracted’ or ‘connected’, 'running away' or 'staying with', ‘working-out’ or ‘nurturing’ (nuture-in).


This blog is a little later than planned as I have been practicing what I teach and have honoured a slow, less pressured pace so far this month.

New Year might feel weeks ago already, the excitement of a fresh start may have already started to lose its shine - January is probably one of the most unsuitable times for drastic new beginnings! 


The calendar year cycle lacks real potential because it has no balance.

We fill ourselves with experiences, connections, emotions, until we are full and then begin again. It's not a natural cycle.

Where is the peak of the year?

Where is the space to let go, to retreat and release before it begins again? 


January is the month of new year’s resolutions, of working-out, of trying to better ourselves based on external pressures.

But what if we are already whole, beneath all the stuff we keep accumulating year on year with no space to release and reflect.

What if we don’t need to be better - perhaps we could drop the distractions and focus on nurture-in (nurturing) instead.


The 1st January actually marks the end of Yuletide. Yule being the pagan celebration of the sun returning, a mid winter feast lasting for 12 days as the yule log burnt.

It could be seen as the ‘pause’ at the end of the exhale, and the 1st of January is the very start of the inhale as we move to spring and summer, peaking at the summer solstice.



The sun returning brings light ,hope and energy, whilst the sun retreating brings release, a time to retreat and reflect. 


So, at the beginning of this new term, let's use our practice to ‘feel’ what the last year brought into our lives.

Try to feel it with your heart and soul rather than with the thinking mind (which can over analyse, judge and critique.)


Can you acknowledge both joys and sorrow,celebration and hardship; all part of the rich tapestry of life, the light and the dark.  


Is there one word that encapsulates what we feel grateful for during the last 12 months - to encapsulate what has nourished and strengthened our heart/soul?


We can get a sense of whether we feel our lives are taking us in the right direction, whether our lives nourish us on a deeper level, a soul level. 


Our soul does not need to lose weight, to earn more money to have a better house or car, our soul yearns for something more meaningful, which of course can be found within those more materialistic goals, but only if we strive for them for the right reasons, soul driven. 


Any small adjustment to our internal compass can have a dramatic effect over where we arrive in twelve months time. 


Can we orientate our internal compass towards the light, towards what our soul resonates with. 


What quality would you bring to every decision this coming year, that would align you better with your soul self. 


Ultimately every season, every day and every breath is an opportunity to choose distraction or connection, pleasure or joy, ‘doing life’ or ‘feeling alive’. 


Each day we are different, even if our external circumstances feel the same - 'we' are not.

'We' are constantly, growing, changing, decaying, moving, dreaming and breathing. 

Our external circumstances may be tricky to change, but how we think and feel about them - our perspective, can change..... and that can be transforming.


We do not receive wisdom, we must discover it for ourselves, after a journey through the wilderness, which no one else can make for us, which no one else can spare us, for our wisdom is the point of view from which we come at last to regard the world. - Marcel Proust


Transitional stages of life, rebirth, transformation, impermanence, personal growth and beauty are all symbolised by the butterfly.


We think of Butterflies as only going from flower to flower for nectar. However, that food group lacks sodium, a necessary element to this creature’s health. So, they seek out sodium in other places, including dirt.

The challenges (dirt) nourish us as essentially as the joys (nectar)


This beautiful pattern was created in a frozen puddle on the road. It reminded me of the patterns of a butterfly wing under microscope. Dirt and beauty co exist as do discomfort and joy!
This beautiful pattern was created in a frozen puddle on the road. It reminded me of the patterns of a butterfly wing under microscope. Dirt and beauty co exist as do discomfort and joy!

I have always been drawn to butterflies, for the complex stages of their life cycle, their delicate grace and beauty, but also their subtle strength - they’ve adapted to be tough!

For me the Paper Kite butterfly symbolises grace and strength, and its colours acknowledge the balance required of light and the dark.


So I encourage you to embrace the stillness and turn inward this term.


Nurturing yourself during the winter months is a form of self-love that sets the foundation for a balanced and thriving year. By embracing stillness, moving gently, and honoring your needs, you’ll emerge from this season feeling restored and ready to grow.

Self-care is not selfish.


Self care is an essential practice that allows you to replenish your inner well.

This inner reflection may expose the more vulnerable parts of us, but it helps to understand ourselves better, the complexities of our human nature. Getting to know ourselves more fully, we are better able to understand other people’s human nature and the nature that's all around us.  We begin to see that we are part of it all, that all of ‘that’ is part of us, revealing our felt sense of connection to all beings, human and non human. 


By slowing down and nurturing the seeds of self care, we evolve into more compassionate beings that are better able to serve the planet, our communities and our families. 


We become jewels of joy for others to find amidst their darkness.



May you be safe and well, May you be happy and at peace,

May you be held in loving kindness.


Om shanti

🙏

Sophia

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